24 Ways in which I have lied to myself about being in a polyamorous relationship with my husband, another man and his wife
1. I'm the kind of person who can have casual sex
2. I'm a freewheeling girl who can't be hurt by people. My cowboy boots alone will save me
3. My sheer power and my animal sexiness will make the lover want to leave his wife
4. He has sex with me because he loves me
5. My sheer power and animal sexiness will heal the lover of his troubles
6. My sheer power and animal sexiness will make the lover not want to have sex with other women besides me and his wife
7. He will see I am the answer to everything
8. I will become more sexy and more powerful through fresh sex after 17 years of monogamy
9. Other men will find me sexy and alluring
10. And a line will form
sex
power
sex
power
11. I will fall deeper in love with my own husband
12. He will seem sexier to me because another woman wants him
13. My husband and this woman will fall in love and leave me and her husband to start a new life together
14. After a lifetime of shrugging off the concept of soul mate I will find mine
15. I will take off 10lbs and experience a magical age reversal. I'll be a 45-year-old who looks 30
16. My bravery to shake the marriage boat and trek into unchartered waters will be a huge boost for my career
17. I'll write a new book
sex
power
sex
power
18. I won't need other people because so many people will need me
19. Being needed will make me feel safe and love and protected
20. I'll never feel alone
21. I'll be happy all the time
22. During sex with both the lover and my husband I will stop fantasizing that the wife of a father from my kid's school is about to walk in and see me having sex with her husband
23. During sex with both the lover and my husband I will stop fantasizing about the time a friend of mine was accosted by the big brother of her boyfriend when she was a teenager
24. During sex with both the lover and my husband I will stop fantasizing about a young girl I knew years ago getting accosted on the sidewalk by a group of boys as she walked home from school
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These are the fast and dirty ramblings of a woman who is barreling straight into her middle age. These writings come from the middle of her life, not a particularly bad time either. She’s not freaked out. She doesn’t sit on the couch all day watching soaps and fantasizing about a life completely out of reach.
3 comments:
you rock. you do. you just do.
Oh, Lord, I've told myself every single one of those. I don't have anything helpful to say. Keep your eyes open & believe what they tell you, I guess.
for me all the things i told myself imploded eventually. let it not be so for you.
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