when i was a teenager
and I'd get a new boyfriend
the day after
the day after
the big kiss
or the big
fuck
or the big whatever
the trade that I made
that brought
him
into me
the day after
always
I'd be sick
from school
didn't want to be seen
for him to see
me
this encounter
this fresh opening
brought up
all my longing
and fear
was I loved?
and now my life
since then
all of it
I swear
searching
for evidence
that
I am
loved
still
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These are the fast and dirty ramblings of a woman who is barreling straight into her middle age. These writings come from the middle of her life, not a particularly bad time either. She’s not freaked out. She doesn’t sit on the couch all day watching soaps and fantasizing about a life completely out of reach.
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